


Happy Holidays

by lord_of_cats



Series: cat-lords pesterlog experiments [6]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 11:35:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8889235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lord_of_cats/pseuds/lord_of_cats
Summary: Jade sets up a holiday message memo. What happens next will make you lose your shit.





	

gardenGnostic [GG] opened memo ‘happy holidays everyone!!!!!’  
GG: happy holidays everyone!!!!!  
GG: christmas is only a week away!!! is everyone excited?  
cuttlefishCuller [CC] responded to memo  
CC: S) (-ELL Y-ES!!! I AM SO -EXCIT-ED!  
GG: who isnt excited?  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to memo  
CG: I DONT KNOW  
CG: LITERALLY ALL THE CHILDREN DREADING SEEING ABUSIVE FAMILY MEMBERS OVER THE HOLIDAY SEASON?  
CG: THE FAMILIES WHO CANT AFFORD CHRISTMAS GIFTS?  
CG: PEOPLE WHO DONT CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS?  
GG: karkat that question was rhetorical.  
CC: Yea) ( Karkat!! Stop being such a grumpy-gills! 38(  
arsenicCatnip [AC] responded to memo  
AC: :33 *ac bounds into group chat, a dead mouse in her mouth from the recent hunt. She drops it, before standing up on her hind legs, big grin on her face.*  
AC: :33 I can’t wait! Mum is getting me a big box of pencils, so I can draw more cool stuff!  
CG: OH GREAT, OUR RESIDENT FURRY HAS ARRIVED.  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo  
GC: 3XCUS3 M3? N3P3T4 1SNT TH3 ONLY FURRY H3R3  
CG: OH YEAH, HOW COULD I FORGET YOU?  
GC: H3Y! IM A SC4LY, NOT A FURRY.  
GC: G3T 1T R1GHT.  
GC: YOU FORGOT 4BOUT 3QUIUS 4ND D1RK.  
timaeusTestified [TT] responded to memo  
TT: I resent that Terezi.  
GC: H3H3H3  
GC: D3N14L 1S TH3 F1RST ST3P TO 4CC3PT4NC3.  
GG: guys!!!!  
GG: this memo is about christmas, not furries!!!!  
TT: Speaking of furries, if I’m a furry, Jade’s a furry too.  
GG: :o  
turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo  
TG: ha this is fucking gold  
TG: tz telling it like it is  
GC: YOUR3 4 FURRY TOO D4V3  
TG: what?  
TG: no way dude  
GC: Y3S D4V3  
GC: YOUR3 4 FURRY 4ND SO 1S YOUR BOYFR13ND  
ectoBiologist [EB] responded to memo  
EB: hey!  
EB: i am not a furry! :B  
EB: you are  
TG: wow john such comeback  
GC: FOR TH3 L4ST T1M3  
GC: 1 4M 4 SC4LY  
AC: :33 equihorse is a furry!  
centaursTesticle [CT] responded to memo  
CT: D—I STRONGLY insist that you stop cyberbullying me Nepeta.  
CT: D—I will tell your mother  
TG: how old are you dude  
CT: D—15  
apocalypseArisen [AA]  responded to memo  
AA: merry christmas everyone!  
AA: and a happy new year!  
CC: You too Aradia!!!  
EB: what do you think santa is going to get you?  
TG: what dude you still believe in santa  
EB: yes?  
TG: newsflash newsflash  
TG: this just in  
TG: my boyfriend is the lamest kid in the world  
EB: hey!  
EB: santa is totally real! my dad says so  
TG: aww daddys little boy  
GC: BUT WH1CH ON3?  
GC: H3H3H3   
TG: haha you know it tz  
CG: IM KINKSHAMING ALL OF YOU  
TT: Haha oh my god this is priceless.  
AA: does anyone have any plans these holidays?  
AA: besides sitting on santas knee of course!  
EB: santa is real!!!  
tentacleTherapist [TT]  responded to memo  
TT: The fact that you still believe in Santa as a fifteen year old is a little worrying. Perhaps being so sheltered all your life has left some lingering doubts and longing for a good childhood. Days of playing in the park until late and being a neighbourhood nuisance with your friends.  
EB: haha what  
EB: i just believe in santa  
TT: Some serious psychological issues perhaps?  
TT: I’m not too sure, so don’t quote me.  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] responded to memo  
TG: rosey please  
TG: youre bringing down the happy christmas vibes going on in here  
CG: WHAT HAPPY CHRISTMAS VIBES?  
CG: THIS MEMO IS LITERALLY FURRIES AND JOHNS BELIEF IN A RED SUITED TRESASSER  
AA: i think its quite nice!  
TG: i second that  
CC: I third that!!  
GG: i forth it!!  
AC: :33 I fifth it! :33  
CG: WELL GEE, IM GLAD YOU ASSHOLES ARE ENJOYING IT  
EB: karkat, why are you so grumpy?  
EB: i mean, grumpier than usual.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN?  
CG: I AM A TOTAL RAY OF SUNSHINE  
TT: Hmm, yes.  
TT: And I’m a five horned flying purple people eater.  
TG: you sure look like one early in the morning  
TT: Roxy, please.  
TG: lmoa  
TG: *lmao  
TG: whoops  
TG: :3   
EB: anyway karkat, what’s up? you’ve been really down lately…  
TG: man, johns noticed  
TG: dude, whatever shit that somehow has gotten up your ass must be really bothering you  
TG: like, a lot  
CG: UGH SHUT THE FUCK UP  
CG: ITS NOTHING OKAY  
CC: It doesn’t sound like nofin!  
CC: It sounds like a w) (ole lotta somefin actually!  
CG: UGH FINE ILL TELL ALL YOU NOSEY FUCKERS  
AC: :33 we didn’t really push that hard…  
TT: Hush Nepeta. Let him type without interruption.  
CG: ITS JUST…I HAVE TO SEE MY STUPID FAMILY THESE HOLIDAYS  
CG: YOU KNOW HOW THEY ARE  
TG: haha yeah man we get it  
TG: youre going through your emo phase and they dont ‘get’ you  
TT: David, just because you’re in heavy denial of your own abuser doesn’t mean he is. Please take this matter seriously for once in your life.  
TG: fuck you lalonde  
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased responding to memo  
EB: dave!!! wait!!!  
EB: bye everyone and merry christmas!!! good luck karkat!!!  
ectoBiologist [EB]  ceased responding to memo  
TT: Hit a nerve I presume.  
TT: That was a low blow and you know it Lalonde.  
TT: He needs to know these things! The way you two have been brought up is not normal!  
TT: Yeah, I know. But he doesn’t.  
TT: I know it’s selfish, or stupid, or whatever, but I don’t want him to realise it until he’s far, far away from him.  
timaeusTestified [TT]  ceased responding to memo  
CC: Well anemoneway…   
GG: merry christmas everyone!!!   
TT: Or Hanukkah, or holidays, if you prefer.  
TG: and have a happy new year!!!  
AA: lets just hope 2017 isnt as terrible as 2016  
AC: :33 Aradia!! Don’t curse it!!  
AA: haha sorry  
AA: happy holidays  
AA: 0u0

**Author's Note:**

> leave kudos and reviews if you did indeed lose your shit!
> 
> Also I wish everyone a happy holidays! I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday. If you have to go back into an abusive household for whatever you celebrate this time of year, I'm sorry. All I can offer is my futile fic/meme crop, but please remember I love you!!!  
> You'll be alright :)


End file.
